It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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