my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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