I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
