She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
