Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
