Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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