I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
