Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
