You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
