Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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