I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The ass gains better be worth it
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