I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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