I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
