Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
