if you like me you must not know who I am
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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