I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
