I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
