i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
