Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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