Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
