Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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