so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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