Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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