Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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