Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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