You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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