I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
