dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
