and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She needs sedatives and a leash
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize