Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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