ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
