Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
