Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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