everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
