dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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