I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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