I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize