I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
