She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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