so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
