My hand turned me down
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize