phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...