I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.