Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
People Weigh In On Whether Itâ€™s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.