6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...