so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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