Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
