im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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