Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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