a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
