after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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