Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
