just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
