Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
