I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
