I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs