is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
