DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
