you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
