This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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