I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
