Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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