i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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