Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
