The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
