If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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