god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
