No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize