I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
